Vague

I strongly dislike when I have to much time to sit and think.  Yes, I am an over thinker.  Usually I can avoid it because I am simply to busy.  This weekend I decided that I needed to just give myself some time to work on myself.  It was a long, emotional week and I just needed to reset.  

I go on vacation in 18 days.  This vacation has been planned for a year, even so, it has changed quite drastically and that put me in an insecure head space.  For those of you that know me - I rarely am in that frame of mind and it bothers me when I am.  I have some very real decisions to make and I am not sure I can do it.  

A very good friend of mine reminded me today how much they care about me.  The way he expresses himself to me is profoundly different than any man that I have ever met.  He is able to tell me how he feels in real words; words that make me listen.  Granted he does not know my entire situation - he so easily finds the words to make me feel important and heard.  

I sat on these words for a while today, just trying to decide how I feel.  I can honestly say that I am no clearer now than I was two days ago.  I do, however, feel like I have seen some realities.  I do not like all of these realities, but I see them.  The positive that I see?  I am a good mother.  I am a good friend.  I deserve to be happy.  I can love and be loved. 

The next few weeks will be filled with difficult decisions, but I truly believe it will all work out.  

Note:  I am completely aware that this has been a pretty vague blog for me.  I promise the picture will come clear to all of you as I go through it and share.