Moods

It is only Monday and the spring in my step has escaped me.  I woke up dreading going to zumba, yet still managed to get up and go.  It was obvious that I was not 100%, apparently, as our zumba instructor jumped off the stage and came over to me, whispered in my ear "just give me an hour".  Needless to say, I continued with a little more gusto but maintained my "ugh" attitude.  By the end of zumba I figured out why I am able to get myself there even when I really do not want to go.......it is pure medicine.  I felt 100% better.  I was still grumpy, not as much as prior to zumba (its medicine not a miracle).

I have narrowed down my negative mood to just an overwhelming amount of things to deal with.  Apparently today my brain and heart are not able to take so much at one time.  You know how you have that one friend that cheers you up no matter what?  I called on mine today.  Let me be clear....I call on him every day but today it was completely from my own selfish need to feel loved, trusted, respected, etc.  As usual, he was able to kick my negativity to the curb.  I refocused my day and here we are.

These next two weeks are going to be rough.  I am training, which means closing, at a few stores, we are having a garage sale with all the things my husband and I have decided neither of us want, and next week all managers (other than myself), will be in Vegas.  So, five stores for me.  Don't be jealous.  I certainly am not jealous.  I am taking a trip as soon as they all get back.  I have been looking forward to this trip for quite some time.  I need this time away.

I suppose there really isn't any lesson in this today.  I will always keep myself moving and getting my zumba on and I will always feel my life with those who share in my happiness.

Yvonne-disease

At the end of each day I have taken a few stolen moments to myself to analyze the day, who participated in it, what developed and if I could of handled anything better.  I have found that I am doing much less reacting. Don't misinterpet that to mean that I do not handle things, I do, just much calmer and sometimes more informed.  

The other Yvonne-disease I have been working on is what I expect from others.  I have had this issue all of my life, in my professional and personal life.  I am let down when others don't function as I would.  It is the recipe for much disappointment.  You see.... I am not very trusting of others.  When I have befriended someone and therefore given them my trust it is important to me.  What I came to realize is not everyone knows that about me.  The bigger issue?  If I do not lay out my expectations in any relationship I am simply setting the other person up to fail.  

Last year I met a person that functions like me.  She is the type of friend that would give you the shirt off of her back, but she also doesn't let anyone walk all over her.  Our friendship started with her and I exchanging words regarding drama that happened in the circle we both were in.  I told her how I felt and she responded to it in the most positive manner I have ever heard or seen.  An immediate trust was built because I realized right then that she wasn't blowing smoke or singing about butterflies and rainbows to keep the peace.  An instant respect was felt. (Lisa, I hope you know this is you)

Finally, I have been working on my anxiety and how I deal with it.  Since I have moved into my own home I have been sleeping really well.  I truly believe that is helpful to my flustered emotions.  I have also been feeding my children an myself better.  Everyone knows that this always has a positive effect on your body. The biggest change is my ability to be open with my children.  They are intelligent and have questions.  I feel incredibly blessed that we have the type of relationship where they know they can ask me and know I will be honest.

All in all I feel like I have made some very positive steps in these first couple of weeks of separation.  I may not always feel as strong as I appear, but I am giving it all I have.

One Day at a Time

It has certainly been a crazy few weeks.  The kids and I are in our new home.  I managed to hang pictures, fix my washer and dryer and even mow my own lawn.  How indepedent is that?  I sometimes impress myself.  Looking at my children gives me great drive and motivation.  Creating a living space with them has brought us all a little closer.  I think it has even improved the relationships between my children.  What mom wouldn't be thrilled by that?

Every day has a new challenge, whether it be something breaking in the new house, emotions hitting one of us at the wrong time or just awkward interactions because we are all in this new adjustment period.  I think the more my children see the interaction between me and their father the easier it is becoming for all of us. The fact that we get along helps also.  I am truly grateful for that.

Sleeping alone has not been an easy transition.  Although I completely enjoy being able to lay right in the middle of my queen size bed, it is a lonely feeling at first.  I decided that is was a comfort thing, so extra pillows have been my friend.  I do love that my room is clean all the time and my bed is made every day.  I have the kids in that routine as well.

We have adopted many new habits that have become routine for us.  No one is arguing about chores, no one is doing more than anyone else and no one is left out.  Keeping their rooms clean has become habit, so it is no longer a chore.  Cleaning up after themselves in the bathroom has become a habit, so it is no longer a mess.  Dishes are shared by Kayla and I, but honestly Kayla does it more, Josh takes the trash out (without being asked) and Justin works and pays rent.  My house is always clean and I absolutely love it.  Maybe I have taught them a little bit about taking pride in what is theirs, crossing my fingers.

Don't get me wrong, I struggle every day.  I have been blessed with a very strong support system, a wonderful job and parents that amaze me with their love daily.  All I can do is take one day at a time, try not to react before I have thought things through and remind myself about all the positive in my life.