She was looking right at him but didn't recognize him. What she saw was anger, hurt, fear and what seemed like hatred. Was it going to be like that forever? Would there be a time when he could look in the mirror and admit all of the realities? It was more important to her that he forgave himself, not her. He carries so many of their failures as his own and measures his own self worth on those failures instead of the many, many successes. Was that the answer? Is he upset with himself and it was coming across as hatred for her? She spent much of her time trying to understand, in hopes that she could help his recovery and encourage his forward movement.
Her friends voices are loud in her head. He needs to go through it his way. She knew they understood that when you are someones wife, lover and best friend for so many years it is profoundly difficult to let go of the desire to help them. For her, there will never be hatred. He created and participated in some of the most important days of her life up to now. She is walking away grateful, strong and complete; with the extreme desire to be his friend again - some day.
Kerby Here! Having been to the brink over and over again over the past two years, I can vouch for the pain. Going to war with your life's partner is hell. It's a war of attrition with no Victor and how merciless we are when love wanes replaced by anger and bitterness. I understood the words spoken by Geronimo "I will fight no more forever"
ReplyDelete