Changing Your Life

Clearly there is two ways to look at every situation.  Making the conscious decision to look at the positive in everything can be difficult, however it is most rewarding.

I was told recently that I needed to start thinking with my eyes and less with my heart.  I don't think that is true.  Although I love the person who said it to me and love even more that they were looking out for me in telling me, I choose to be the way I am. 

As I have learned from writing my book, I created me.  I would not change the experiences, big or small, that molded me into the person I am today.  I am strong, independent, loving and a true friend to those I call friend.  I must be doing something right because when I look around me I have some amazing people in my life.  Some have been here the whole time, some are back and some are new.  Regardless they are there and there for a reason. 

The trait I am still trying to master is absorbing the love I am given.  I can freely admit that I am a giver, however I do not easily receive.  I also don't trust easily.  If someone has my trust they have earned it.  I firmly believe that is OK, everyone should take the time to feel comfortable in every situation.  I know that I am this way because of my past and the individuals that have let me down in life.  I have gotten much better at allowing people to earn my trust.  I also disconnect from those who prove they are not trustworthy. 

Creating a life circle that is full of positive people and actions is healthy.  I never realized how easily negativity from someone in your circle can affect the whole.  I choose to let go of those people.  That is the best thing I can do for my health.

Summer

This summer has been flying by.  I had a terrific stay-cation thanks to friends that lent is their beautiful home.  My youngest two children and I did things around our home that we have been talking of doing and never made time to do so.  
One day we went to Estes Park and ride horses.   Neither Josh or Kayla had ever been horse back riding before.   I don't think I have read a horse since I was 12 years old.   Josh, 12, tried to act super cool and for on the horse like a pro. Kayla, 9, was a little more timid but for on and made herself comfortable.   It was a great time and a gorgeous day.
Another day we went yo Water World near Denver.  Let me tell you. ..I have been to several water parks and this one takes the cake.   My mom joined us and even ride a ride.   It was a wonderful day.
I think stsy-cations are the way to go.   I was relaxed and not exhausted when it was time to go back to work.
My only mistake was going out with my girlfriend the night before returning to work.   Had a blast and paid for it!
I'm thinking one stsy-cation a year. Try it!

Decisions

My husband made a decision for me today that although I know it is the right decision it is really difficult.
Previously I have talked about some of the stales and issues I have come across writing my book.   There is no possible way to explain what I have been going through without giving away to much about my book.   Let's just say that reliving the past can be therapeutic,  it can also create horrible memories.   These memories have kicked my anxiety into high gear.  
Caring about my health and well being my husband has put a stop to my road trip to California next week.   I can't imagine having an attack with only my two youngest children with me.
My heart breaks that I do not get my bff time but I have to agree that my health comes first. 

Relax

It is so unbelievable how important balance is.   You can go through the motions of every day and suddenly it comes on..... That feeling that you are not in control.   To a person like me,  a control freak,  it is almost to much to take.
I remember when I could talk myself out of feeling this way. 
I have chalked this feeling up to all of the emotions ib am going through writing my book.   Although I strongly dislike how I am going,  what I am remembering and reliving, I truly believe that completing the first book will be better than any therapy.
What is even more difficult is not having my number one fan and the person that would understand all of this around to help me through it all.
Let me refer back to my "everything happens for a reason" belief.   I will stand by that in the hopes that it all becomes clear in the future.

Lessons in Friendship

I have had some amazing things happen in the last few weeks.  Things that are not all necessarily good but the lesson in it was helpful and educational. 

I think we tend to forget who is there for us until they need us or we need them.  True friends come out of the wood works during those times.  Not that they were hiding before.  It isn't mandatory to be in someones every day life to have a strong connection and attachment.  On the flip side there are people that go from being in our lives daily and they just disappear.  To me, that is their choice.

Recently I asked a friend of mine to describe me.  This individual has known me for well over 20 years.  His description?  "An amazing person that if you are lucky enough for her to call you friend is loyal to the end".  I found those to be the kindest words I have ever heard.  I then asked someone the same question that has known me for about a year.  His description?  "A strong, out-going, independent and beautiful woman".  Although I do not hate this description I see the difference, do you? 

A close friend of mine has been going through a rough change in her life.  She is a strong, proud and loving woman.  Sometimes I feel as if she does not feel she has others to lean on.  I am SO incredibly glad I took the time to push her to sharing with me.  Not only did she get through the issue, but we both found ourselves back where we belonged, as friends, true friends.

I have been saying for years that I will not chase people to be in my life.  Although this approach can hurt sometimes, I have found it be more rewarding in the long run.  Two way relationships are the only ones that survive.  If someone wants to be in your life and wants you in theirs they will put out just as much energy as you do to make it happen.

I also received some helpful advice recently.  It came from a source I have not seen in over 20 years.  It was simple advice, having to do with me writing my book, but it was advice I needed.  I am so grateful for those in my life.  Thank you.