My Story

I suddenly understand why individuals take time off when they decide to write a book.  You know - shut out the world and just concentrate on their writing.  I have had all of this information in my head for years but somehow writing about it makes it all real again.  It feels almost like reliving it all.  The emotional toll it is taking on me was completely unexpected.

You know what is crazier?  The detail that comes back to you.  The clothes we wore, the mood in the room, the feeling inside, the smells around you - I had no idea I had such a complete memory of my past.  I truly thought that I had blocked it out.  The more I write the more I remember; the more I feel.

Many people have told me this will be great therapy.  I agree - I just have to convince myself I can do this; let myself feel all of these emotions that I was so happy to leave behind.

I know I have mentioned before that no one knows all of the truth about my past.  I hid it for many reasons, the most important being that I did not want anyone to hate the father of my child - more directly - I didn't want my child to hate his father.  Now that my son is an adult I feel as if I can express these events.  I find myself carefully wording things to protect others in my book; don't worry - it will be edited many times before it is completed and every time I remember more.  I have decided the only way to do this is 100%, therefore I am going to share all, even if that means embarrassing myself.  The reality is - these things happened to me, I made these choices and it is my story to tell.