Situations

I suppose there are many times when I could of handled things much better.  I never like to stew, no one likes it when I stew.  I despise not handling a problem immediately.  I regret when I over analyze.  Yet, I find the worst reaction to be when I view all things with the same attitude.

With multiple "situations" going on in my personal life right now I have come to conclusion that I was not necessarily overwhelmed as I was overloaded.  Yes, there is a difference.  I can recognize overwhelmed much easier and take things one at a time.  Being overloaded made me anxious, worried and even a bit paranoid - in all "situations".

So, this is what I decided......

I wrote down all of the things going on right now in my life.  I literally tore apart each "situation" to gauge if there was any issue, problem, etc.  What I found was that I was approaching each "situation" with the same defensive attitude.  This could have been a massive blunder on my part.  I could have broken things that did not need fixing.

I have a person in my life that helps me live the positive, loving life that I desire.  Not only do they contribute to my daily life, but they allow me to be who I am and better yet, they like who that person is.  They support every thing about me and even keep my vision clear when I feel lost.  I am forever grateful, deeply blessed and extremely happy.

Geography and Timing

I truly felt like I was in a movie, a romantic comedy with a happy ending.  You know, when you find that person that you want to do everything with?  The person that you can sit with in totall silence and be totally content.  The individual that supports you in everything you do, even when you don't think you can do it. The friend that shows you love even when you may deserve less from them in that moment.  The one that allows you to be the strong indedependent person and appreciates that about you.  The lover that loves you just as much as you love them and isn't afraid to show it.

I feel like the children in Mary Poppins........I put out an advertisement for the perfect partner and suddently he appeared in my life.  The only difference?  I did not put out an advertisement and I didn't even know I was looking.  Don't get me wrong, I knew there were things that I was lacking, but I never imagined there could be a perfect piece of the puzzle to my life.

I thought about sitting down and putting a pro/con list together, however the only cons I could ever come up with were things like geography and timing.  His actual person does not lack anything I desire.  Quite the opposite actually.  His person is exactly what I desire.

I'm holding on tight, with both hands, waiting for the timing and geography to line up.

Little house not so merry

They had been talking about meeting his family for a few weeks.   She had met his father, step mother and his little sisters.   Recently he had brought her to meet his grandparents.   The grandparents house was the only place that seemed "normal" and loving.

These family members were not the ones he had been preparing her to meet.  There were several circles, some seemed to overlap,  some seemed totally disconnected and then there was the newest family circle, his mothers circle.

She agreed to go over and have dinner with his mom and step dad.  Feeling nervous and totally unsure of what was coming was really taking a toll.  The drive there, only 20 minutes, seemed to drag on.  He did his best to make his girlfriend feel better, it wasn't working.

As they pulled up to the house there was a tall, skinny, bearded man working on an old Ford truck in the drive way.  She snickered at the sticker, KPIG,  in the back window of the truck.  They walked up the drive way and the bearded man said "you brought a good looking one this time".  He forced a smile but did not verbalize a response.  She smiled and just kept walking.  The crazy chuckle the bearded man expressed was creepy.

At the front door he stopped, smiled, then grabbed her hand as they walked into the house.  There were three women in the front room.  Suddenly the eldest of the three said "shit, look who it is".  This was of no comfort to his girlfriend.  Not only was she meeting them all for the first time, but they had no idea they were coming.  She squeezed his hand and he pulled her closer.

The woman that spoke stood up and came over to them.  "We've missed you Junior", she said.  He introduced his girl to her, his mother.  Then the youngest girl stood and introduced herself as his sister.   The third girl looked terribly familiar and highly unfriendly.   She stood and he introduced her by name only, no family title. 

It was a lot to take in.  Just as she felt she could take a breathe two men came inside, one was the bearded man.  He was her boyfriend's step father.  The other man was the "no title" girls husband.  He was the nicest so far.  Very polite and at least he was smiling. 

Suddenly there was the sound of deathly coughing.  This house was tiny, surely no one else lived here.  Wrong!  Out of a back room comes an older lady and a strong smell of smoke followed her.  This was Granny.   The word overwhelming doesn't even come close to how she was feeling meeting his newest family circle.

While his mom cooked dinner everyone else sat around talking.  The "no title" family member continued to be stand-offish and even rude.  Her husband even nudged her a few times.  Why does she lol so familiar?

Dinner was ready.  It was like a feeding at the zoo.  They all rushed in like there was a shortage of food and elbows were flying.   Everyone sat where ever.  This was not normal family in her world.  Families sit together,  at the dinner table.  Then the TV went on, goodness what a different way to function. 

When dinner was over she offered to help with dishes but his sister was not going to allow that.  Her boyfriend went out to the drive way to "talk cars", now she was alone with mom and "no title".  She heard some barking and asked "do you have dogs"?  His mother said "yes, they are out back and very friendly". 

She stood up to go peek at the dogs from the back door.  She was horrified by what she saw.  Both dogs were chained up, their dog houses were out of reach, they were under weight and no water was in sight.  Slowly she opened the back door to gauge the dogs, both pit bulls, reactions.  At first they were barking but then tails began to wag; they wanted some attention. 

First she found their water bucket, filled it up and found a nice spot in the shade for it.  Second, she untangled the chains so the animals could reach the water and their dog houses.  Finally, she sat and just played with them.  What a difference 10 minutes made.

She heard the back door slam, startled she jumped up.  The familiar, no title girl was standing there and not looking to friendly.  "Do you really not remember me"?, she asked.  "I'm sorry, I don't.  I thought you looked familiar when we arrived".  Without any warning "no title" girl threw a punch at her.   Completely stunned she began to protect herself and a full out fight began. 

What seemed like forever passed and suddenly she was being pulled off no title girl.  She could hear people talking, however her brain was filled with so much chatter no one else was really being heard.

The next thing she knew she was in her boyfriends car, her boyfriend kneeling by her door.  She looked up and said "what is wrong with your family"?

Now and Forever

I woke up with extra spring in my step.   Jumped out of bed and put on the clothes I had laid out the night before,  black capri pants and a black and gold tank top.  Walked into the bathroom - brushed my teeth,  washed my face and put up my hair. I, of course,  had to throw on some earrings or I would feel naked.  I smiled at myself in the mirror and headed to my closet.

I open my closet door and immediately fill with joy when I see my bag is packed.   I grab some flip flops,  pick up my bag and grab my purse.....off to the kitchen. 

Every room makes me more excited.   In the kitchen I pack up food and drinks, prepare the ice chest. .... I'm literally singing and dancing through the kitchen.   Once I'm done I take one more look around to make sure I haven't forgotten anything.  

Off to the car I go. ..... my car is full of chairs,  blankets,  pillows and all the necessary equipment for this camping trip.   I have been looking forward to this trip for so long.   Alone time with my boyfriend is needed,  for both of us.

I get the ice chest into the car,  go back in the house to fill up my water bottle.... I'm ready!  

Once in the car I set the radio station,  put my water in the cup holder and fix my lip gloss.  Time to go get my man at the airport.   That could very well be my favorite sentence ever. .... going to get my boyfriend.

As I begin the hour drive to the airport I get lost in thought.   No man has ever made me feel the way he does.  The love in his voice, the love in his eyes and the love in his touch.   I get lost in the moments we have together.   I consider myself so lucky to of found a man so willing to share all of himself with me.   A man that walks through life as my partner.   His gorgeous eyes...... goodness I love him.

Before I know it I'm looking for parking at the airport.   I now have crazy butterflies, not nervous. ... excited.  There must be a word for the extreme, electric excitement I am feeling.   My phone just went off.....

      Landed

He is here.......

      Meet you in baggage claim

I hit send and then realize I hated my response.  Why didn't I tell him I loved him.? ...it is all I'm thinking. 

The wait is excruciating.   The trip from my house went faster.  I run my fingers through my hair,  look up and I see him coming towards me.   I can't take my eyes off of him.

Having those amazing blue eyes must be illegal. ... I'm hooked,  completely hooked.  He stops right in front of me,  takes my face into his hands,  stares into my eyes and gives me the most incredible kiss.  I don't let him stop.   I feel him melt into me.   His hands move from my face,  running down my body,  stopping on my hips.   I realize he isn't letting me stop either.   He pulls my body into him.   I want him now and forever.

December 2013

Does the idea of Christmas and/or the holidays in general stress you out?   For me, it is December period.   I want to socialize,  do my shopping and miss nothing.   And of course give up none of normal routine.   You know.... The full time job,  three children, exercise routine and husband.  
I have decided this year I am going to do all the things that make me happy.   It may be that not everyone can keep up with me,  but isn't it time to do the things that make me happy?
I am 40 years old,  recently lost my best friend and it's time to do the things I want for one reason or another.  There is absolutely nothing holding me back but myself.  
What woke me up?  Watching other people lose control of their own lives, seeing people I love settle for being content, spending time with true friends and seeing some of my strongest friends make the hard decisions to grab their happiness.
I never want to make excuses for others again.   I never want to settle for content.   I want to face the hard decisions and make my own happiness.  After all,  isn't that the real lesson here?   Allowing yourself every happiness?   I truly think it is.   

Facebook Negative?

 
Facebook tends to be a source of many emotions.  Listening to a few people this last year and how Facebook effects them I decided it can, indeed, be very negative. 

Like many things in my world I have taken the time to review how it effects me, seeking positive only.

This is what I came up with:

Those that are allowing Facebook to be that negative source in their life obviously have the wrong people as their "friends".  These are the same people that choose to live a drama filled life and of course blame everyone but themselves for it.  I have found great support from my Facebook friends.  Take control of your life!  You can control your circle of friends, your family life and even your Facebook friends.  Make the courageous choice to be happy.  You will have to leave some people behind but I guarantee it is worth it.

Boys will be Boys

My son, Josh, was punched in the face by another 7th grade student last week.  Josh told me when he got home yet he made it seem unimportant, almost telling me in passing.  I did not think much more of it.  Then on Saturday I was at a 5th grade football game and three other 7th graders, two I don't even know, came over to tell me what happened.  I really was concerned, as boys will be boys, until I heard these words "he said he is going to kick Josh's ass when football is over".  This week is the final football game.  I take threats VERY seriously due to an event that occurred in the school last year.  Last year the result was that a kid was jumped by three other kids.

I am going to admit up front that my son is no angel.  I am completely aware that he is "my son" when it comes to attitude and voicing himself.

I decided that I would start with the football coach since they are teammates.  I left the coach an email that said:

Please call me before practice on Monday.  I will be contacting Dr. Bickel as well.

Dr. Bickel is the principal of the school.  Coach called me Sunday night.  He heard me out and vowed to handle this first thing on Monday.  I was completely comfortable with the fact that he had heard my concern.  I was sure to make it clear if this boy touched my kid again that I would call the police, not the school.

Monday came and I received a text from my son mid morning.  It said:

Kids are telling me that Coach thinks I threw punches too.  I didn't.

I realize that kids don't always tell the truth, however I believed my son due to a code we have in our home.  There is NO being LAZY or LYING.  Josh told me that he had called the kid names and they had been playing rough football, not touch.  I tried to address every avenue.  Josh had called the other boy names about being "big" or "fat".  My son doesn't understand how badly that could hurt as he is tall and scary thin.  So, I took a different approach.  I talked to Josh about one of his weaknesses and asked how that made him feel.  He looked right at me and said "you're right mom".  I talked to Josh about the possibility of getting hurt at lunch and not being able to play in the game.  Why take the chance, right?  I also talked to Josh about not knowing what else has happened in the other boys day.  We have no way of knowing what is going on in the other persons life.  Maybe he was already in a bad mood and Josh just pushed the right (in this case wrong) buttons.

After Josh's text I decided I needed to go to the school.  I went directly to the office and asked for Dr. Bickel.  She saw me immediately, including the vice principal as well.  I explained all that I knew to them.  I, again, made it clear that should the boy touch my son I would call the police, not the school.  I let them know that I did not feel comfortable due to a friend of Josh's being jumped last year (Dr. Bickel knew the incident I was speaking of).  And finally, I let them know that in my opinion there is never a reason for someone to put their hands on someone else.  By the end, I felt like I was heard but was unsure what was going to be done about it.

Josh came home from practice saying that the Vice Principal had talked to both boys and things were settled.  Tuesday morning the Vice Principal also called me to close the incident.  I don't think I have agreed more with an approach or been happier with a response from any school. 

Like I said, boys wills be boys, they will talk smack, act tough, protect themselves, push each other to far, etc.  I am OK with any and all of that.  What is NOT OK is taking it to the level this got to, especially when you are teammates. 

I am grateful that my son had friends to come to me and talk to me.  I am happy they felt they could come talk to me.  I am amazed how little some parents are involved with their kids.  I am taking pleasure in the fact that I taught my kids early that lying and lazy were not tolerated in our world.  My greatest wish is that they take that with them throughout life.