Boys will be Boys

My son, Josh, was punched in the face by another 7th grade student last week.  Josh told me when he got home yet he made it seem unimportant, almost telling me in passing.  I did not think much more of it.  Then on Saturday I was at a 5th grade football game and three other 7th graders, two I don't even know, came over to tell me what happened.  I really was concerned, as boys will be boys, until I heard these words "he said he is going to kick Josh's ass when football is over".  This week is the final football game.  I take threats VERY seriously due to an event that occurred in the school last year.  Last year the result was that a kid was jumped by three other kids.

I am going to admit up front that my son is no angel.  I am completely aware that he is "my son" when it comes to attitude and voicing himself.

I decided that I would start with the football coach since they are teammates.  I left the coach an email that said:

Please call me before practice on Monday.  I will be contacting Dr. Bickel as well.

Dr. Bickel is the principal of the school.  Coach called me Sunday night.  He heard me out and vowed to handle this first thing on Monday.  I was completely comfortable with the fact that he had heard my concern.  I was sure to make it clear if this boy touched my kid again that I would call the police, not the school.

Monday came and I received a text from my son mid morning.  It said:

Kids are telling me that Coach thinks I threw punches too.  I didn't.

I realize that kids don't always tell the truth, however I believed my son due to a code we have in our home.  There is NO being LAZY or LYING.  Josh told me that he had called the kid names and they had been playing rough football, not touch.  I tried to address every avenue.  Josh had called the other boy names about being "big" or "fat".  My son doesn't understand how badly that could hurt as he is tall and scary thin.  So, I took a different approach.  I talked to Josh about one of his weaknesses and asked how that made him feel.  He looked right at me and said "you're right mom".  I talked to Josh about the possibility of getting hurt at lunch and not being able to play in the game.  Why take the chance, right?  I also talked to Josh about not knowing what else has happened in the other boys day.  We have no way of knowing what is going on in the other persons life.  Maybe he was already in a bad mood and Josh just pushed the right (in this case wrong) buttons.

After Josh's text I decided I needed to go to the school.  I went directly to the office and asked for Dr. Bickel.  She saw me immediately, including the vice principal as well.  I explained all that I knew to them.  I, again, made it clear that should the boy touch my son I would call the police, not the school.  I let them know that I did not feel comfortable due to a friend of Josh's being jumped last year (Dr. Bickel knew the incident I was speaking of).  And finally, I let them know that in my opinion there is never a reason for someone to put their hands on someone else.  By the end, I felt like I was heard but was unsure what was going to be done about it.

Josh came home from practice saying that the Vice Principal had talked to both boys and things were settled.  Tuesday morning the Vice Principal also called me to close the incident.  I don't think I have agreed more with an approach or been happier with a response from any school. 

Like I said, boys wills be boys, they will talk smack, act tough, protect themselves, push each other to far, etc.  I am OK with any and all of that.  What is NOT OK is taking it to the level this got to, especially when you are teammates. 

I am grateful that my son had friends to come to me and talk to me.  I am happy they felt they could come talk to me.  I am amazed how little some parents are involved with their kids.  I am taking pleasure in the fact that I taught my kids early that lying and lazy were not tolerated in our world.  My greatest wish is that they take that with them throughout life.