Relax

It is so unbelievable how important balance is.   You can go through the motions of every day and suddenly it comes on..... That feeling that you are not in control.   To a person like me,  a control freak,  it is almost to much to take.
I remember when I could talk myself out of feeling this way. 
I have chalked this feeling up to all of the emotions ib am going through writing my book.   Although I strongly dislike how I am going,  what I am remembering and reliving, I truly believe that completing the first book will be better than any therapy.
What is even more difficult is not having my number one fan and the person that would understand all of this around to help me through it all.
Let me refer back to my "everything happens for a reason" belief.   I will stand by that in the hopes that it all becomes clear in the future.

Lessons in Friendship

I have had some amazing things happen in the last few weeks.  Things that are not all necessarily good but the lesson in it was helpful and educational. 

I think we tend to forget who is there for us until they need us or we need them.  True friends come out of the wood works during those times.  Not that they were hiding before.  It isn't mandatory to be in someones every day life to have a strong connection and attachment.  On the flip side there are people that go from being in our lives daily and they just disappear.  To me, that is their choice.

Recently I asked a friend of mine to describe me.  This individual has known me for well over 20 years.  His description?  "An amazing person that if you are lucky enough for her to call you friend is loyal to the end".  I found those to be the kindest words I have ever heard.  I then asked someone the same question that has known me for about a year.  His description?  "A strong, out-going, independent and beautiful woman".  Although I do not hate this description I see the difference, do you? 

A close friend of mine has been going through a rough change in her life.  She is a strong, proud and loving woman.  Sometimes I feel as if she does not feel she has others to lean on.  I am SO incredibly glad I took the time to push her to sharing with me.  Not only did she get through the issue, but we both found ourselves back where we belonged, as friends, true friends.

I have been saying for years that I will not chase people to be in my life.  Although this approach can hurt sometimes, I have found it be more rewarding in the long run.  Two way relationships are the only ones that survive.  If someone wants to be in your life and wants you in theirs they will put out just as much energy as you do to make it happen.

I also received some helpful advice recently.  It came from a source I have not seen in over 20 years.  It was simple advice, having to do with me writing my book, but it was advice I needed.  I am so grateful for those in my life.  Thank you.

Control

Unable to control all that is going on around me is a terrible feeling.  I suppose I never thought myself to be a control freak.  Don't get me wrong, I am completely aware of my ability to control things, it is the fact that I was unaware of how strongly I needed to do so. 

Have you ever heard the bath tub theory?  Years ago my doctor told me that I had a large bath tub. I could handle a great deal of things at once.  I was able to juggle many things.  Unfortunately it came to a point where my bath tub was over flowing and I had zero additional capacity.  I had to find a way to release some of the water in my tub. 

This brings up so many things.  Not just the control issue but also the fact that I am the type of individual that likes to handle things as they come.  I have many people around me that are more the "ignore it and it will go away" types.  Nothing annoys me more.  Had I been able to handle many all of the issues around me I do not think I would be in the place I sit today........overwhelmed.

My decision?  Massage.  Today I am getting a massage.  Perhaps then I can think straight and attack one item at a time.  Wish me luck!

I love you, Good Night

My daughters Mother's Day poem:

I love you like I love spring

I love you like I love the movie "Zing"

I love you like bunnies love to sleep

I love you like bugs love to peep

I love you like soup loves to simmer

I love you like snow loves to shimmer

I love you like ice cream loves a scooper

I love you like heroes love to be super

I love you like sprinkles love to sprinkle

I love you like stars love to twinkle

I love you like sleigh bells love to jingle

I love you like friends love to mingle

I love you like the moon at night

big and round and warm and bright

By, Kayla Harrison (4th Grade)

Frustration

Do you ever feel like maybe you have put to much on your own plate of life? 

I have made some specific goals for myself in 2013.  Although I am doing extremely well in the me "better health" department, I feel like my writing has been put aside a bit.  It is time really that I am lacking.  Exercise has fit into my life with ease.  I go to zumba 4-5 times a week.  Believe it or not, my boss goes with me so I never feel badly for leaving work.  Side Note:  I have NEVER had a job with a boss that is so incredibly supportive of me completely - work and personally.  She, Karen, literally said to me "I never want you to feel like you can't do the things to better your health.  That comes first".  I know, you all want to work for her now, don't you? 

When I went to zumba the first time I felt out of place and nervous, yet I completely enjoyed it.  I, somehow, convinced myself to keep going back for another class.  I began this in November 2012.  I was going once a week, if I could.  The more I went the more I liked it.  The biggest hurdle was learning the moves.  Once I had that down, I was HOOKED! 

Like everyone does, I made a new years resolution to work out more and get in shape.  I had not really defined what that looked like in my life.  Then, one day I got my boss to go to zumba with me.  She LOVED it!  It was then and there that I told myself I was going to do this 3 times a week.  I did that all of January and February.  March I kicked it up to 4 times a week and I have been doing that ever since.  I have gone down three dress sizes and I feel fantastic.  Oddly, that is the best thing that came from this.  The friends I have made a zumba are irreplaceable.  They all have their reasons for being there but regardless we all support each other, daily.  I think this may have been what I was missing.  I like the social aspect of zumba, they are like family.

Where does the frustration come in? 

The other part of my new years resolution was to continue and share my writings.  I did not take into account how difficult it was going to be to relive some of the emotions that go with the book I am writing.  These emotions have set me back, several times.  I have, so far, been able to get myself moving again yet it gets more and more difficult. 

So here is what I have decided.  I have been sharing my old writings and trying to work on my book also, so maybe I can use my blog as my outlet of emotions in order to keep moving forward.  Like today, I felt very frustrated that I had not gotten to my blog, but even more that I have been stuck on Chapter 5 of my book for some time. 

I am open to comments, suggestions, support in whatever form.  Moving forward is my only option to keeping my own promise to myself.

Cowgirl Boots

Have you ever bought something that makes you feel absolutely fantastic when you wear it?  I have and I did.  My Madden Girl boots make me feel like a million dollars.  This is not something I would usually buy, nor wear.  I decided I wanted them to go dancing, yet I was unable to convince myself to spend the money to wear these boots only to dance.  In comes my best friend.  She was there when I tried the lovely boots on and what does she say?  "You can wear those to work".  Damn right I can.  Why didn't I think of that?  I work for a feed store, HELLO? 

Of course I wore the boots to dance on Saturday night.  The boots did not hurt my feet.  I could of danced all night.  The down side, I was much shorter......

So, today I wear my boots to work.  I received so many compliments.  I think I was meant to be a cowgirl.  Dang it, I missed my calling.  I intend to make up that time this year, the year I turn 40!!

Moral to the story?  Buy those boots and meet us on the dance floor.

BFF Weekend

When we moved to Colorado from California, about seven years ago, my husband promised me and my best friend that he would still send me to see her a couple times a year.  No matter what else is going on in our world he has always made that happen.  My best friend, Michelle, and I have worked very hard at getting as much time together as possible.  She travels a lot for work but always makes time for us.  Our "for sure" months are always January and November, our birthdays.  This is the first trip in A VERY LONG TIME that I have had a job plus a life, therefore could take time off while she is here and not feel guilty for it.  Speaking about my job warrants it own blog that we will get to another day.

Michelle got here late Thursday night, well I guess Friday morning, 1:30 am.  We slept in Friday and then went for a highly enjoyable BFF breakfast.  We relaxed for a bit and then went to Massage Envy for a two hour, that is right I said two hour, massage.  Yes, we suffer like this often.  Friday night we had a few drinks with a friend of mine, Trish, then picked up another friend of mine, Sonia, and off to the greatest concert this side of Denver, Salt n Pepa, Coolio, Doug E Fresh and Slick Rick.  Don't be jealous.  It was four hours of amazing music and dancing like we never danced before.

We slept in a bit Saturday and then went out to breakfast again.  The best part of the day was shopping.  This has got to be one things that BFF's should always do together.  Shopping made me happy as my Zumba craziness showed that it was truly paying off.   I dropped two sizes.  I need that motivation to keep the fire under my own ass.  Let me tell you I needed to fell the results as it is hard to tell when you see yourself daily.  Saturday night Sonia, Michelle and I went out dancing.  What an absolute blast!  A girl could not have two better PICs.

Today is Sunday, family day.  My dad made breakfast for all of us.  This is Michelle's staple on her visits.  Dad must make her some chorizo n eggs, hashbrowns, refried beans and tortillas.  He never disappoints.  The rest of the days we spent watching movies, I took a nap and just relaxing.  I needed a day like this.

Although tomorrow will be sad because my BFF has to go home we will make the best of it.  We will have another massage, some lunch and of course some Zumba. 

Nothing is better than my BFF time.  I look forward to it when it isn't here and I absorb it all I can when it is here.  I feel truly blessed to have someone so amazing in my life that loves me unconditionally.  No matter what is in my brain, how I am feeling, I know that I have a person out there that I can call on and trust. 

Truly grateful for everything in our life that has gotten us here.