I feel like I have been hiding. Hiding who I am, what I deserve, what I need, how I feel and how much I have to offer. I didn't make a decision to hide, it just happened. I keep falling back to a line from the movie Pretty Woman.
Vivian : People put you down enough, you start to believe it. ... Vivian : The bad stuff is easier to believe.
I fell into this trap. I am not sure how it happened. I believe I am very strong. I was so busy accepting who everyone else is I forgot that whoever I was - was good enough. You know how people bring their past into the present? Old relationships, childhood trauma, etc. Oddly, even if we accept someone for all they are; it does not automatically open them up to accepting all of you. They can make mistakes, react to you poorly due to old trauma and they can even close off to you completely; yet you, you are to be perfect, all the time.
Do you know what trying to be perfect causes? More and more build up.
At some point we all have to analyze the relationships in our lives. Does the relationship go both ways? Do you need the relationship? Is this relationship part of our support system? Is this relationship conducive to living the positive life we crave?
Granted - it isn't as cut and dry as some of the answers to these questions, but it can begin the internal conversations you may need to have.
I hurt, every day, I hurt. What I am learning about my past self is that I love hard. What I am learning about my current self is that I deserve the same in return. What I will no longer tolerate is anyone putting me down to build themselves up. We are all worthy of happiness, we just need to take control of our own lives.
I feel this, I think as we get older it becomes very evident as to what we need and what is truly important and we become excitingly less tolerant of other people’s bullshit and find that letting go is easier when a relationship is not filled with equal giving, taking and appreciation.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your view , thank you
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