Drowning In It

I have been living in a dark cloud for well over a year, to be specific, since February 27, 2019 - the day we lost my mom.  I actually do not think it is fair to say I was living; because I wasn't.  I will be honest and tell you that I do not remember days at a time.  I was a robot, walking through each day with blinders on. 
The most horrifying part of this time was I did not realize it was happening.  I was holding laughter, tears, screams, nightmares and much more inside of me.  Unfortunately, I continued this madness for over a year.  I was living with a headache, full of anxiety and completely out of touch with anything real.
I was showing all kinds of signs that I needed help, whatever that may look like.  It could of been someone pointing it out, someone asking or just someone noticing I was not being me.  None of those things happened.  I was losing my temper in seconds, forgetting things, spinning my wheels and (if you know me at all) having absolutely nothing to say.  The one thing people noticed was that I was not communicating as much, but it was not out of love, it was like I was doing something wrong to them.  I was literally drowning in my own sorrow and I was totally alone in it.
As you can probably guess - this put me into a massive tail spin.  It was effecting my business, my home and my marriage.
You are going to find in my blogs that I may jump around subjects a little bit.  This is all reflective of how I am healing.  There are some things I am ready to talk about and some things I am still working on myself.  I am sharing simply in hopes that others find help when/where they may need it.  It is completely possible that you have someone close to you hurting or it may even be you.  Reach out - force the communication; just let them know you are there.  I am not saying it will fix anything for you or for them; I am saying they will forever appreciate someone seeing or feeling their need.  I know I would of.

See you soon...