Losing my Mom - Part 2

The rest of the day felt unreal.  I remember sitting in a conference room, at the hospital, with the rest of my family.  My head was full of what I needed to start taking care of.  My immediate concern was my dad and, oddly, my sister.

My sister had not had a relationship with my mom in years.  She had just learned that she was going to' be a grandma and that is something she was able to share with my mom (moms first great-grand child) when they said their good-bye's.  Yet, my concern for my sister was more about what she must be going through.  I knew I was going to have to mourn my mom, but my sister, I worried, would have double the pain.  She would have to mourn the time she lost with her mom, as well as actually mourning the loss of her mom.  I could not shake that feeling.

In addition, it was just months prior that my mom had sat myself, brother, sister and law and my dad down to go over her wishes and will.  I did not like having the conversation, simply because I did not want to lose my mom.  That was not the biggest issue.  My mom had cut my sister our of everything, other than certain things she wanted to go to her.  My sisters name was not on any life insurance, contact, anything.  Knowing all of the things I was going to have to do, the last thing I wanted was my sister to ask to help and find out that she couldn't because none of the places would talk to her.  This was another huge reason I stayed in "work mode" for so long.

I heard people complaining about me "doing everything" and "taking over" but I just kept moving.  The more I did, the less I had to worry about others feelings being hurt.  I called every life insurance, burial insurance, health insurance, bill collector, bank - anything and everything.  I arranged the cremation, the Celebration of life, flying my three kids in - name it, I did it.  I had to decide that I did not care if anyone was upset with me as long as my sisters feelings were OK, my Dad was cared for and my brother was good. 

I will not lie and say my feelings were never hurt; but I will take responsibility for being in the situation to have my feelings hurt. 

I went as far as to lend money to a family member to make sure they were able to come say good-bye to their sibling.  This is another story, for another day.

Stay with me...