It Clicked

I remember exactly when it all clicked.  I asked him his opinion on a project I was asked to participate in. His words meant nothing yet so much at the same time.  Was it so hard for him to say something nice?  That really wasn't even necessary; simply knowing me the way he does he could of just answered yes or no. What was I thinking?  It has been years since he was able to say something nice to me on his own.  In that moment I felt like I was in a movie; the flash backs just kept coming into my mind.  All of the things I was not allowed to do, the lack of support and the struggle of him not allowing me to do something that was just mine.

Maybe someday I will thank him for showing me who I did not want to be.  Perhaps thank him for making me fight for what I want and feeling the passion for those things once again.  For to long I focused on all of the years that I lost instead of realizing it isn't to late.  I'm grateful that I was able to pick up where I left off and find a road that works for me.  Between my body and my mind I have never been on a better path.  A path that is mine and mine alone.

I admit that I jumped into many things at once - I truly did not think that my blog or my songs would take off the way they have.  I thought I would just continue on my path hearing no and being ignored.  Positive feedback came more quickly and as scared as I am - I am ten times more excited.  I have been wanting to go back to school and cement those letters behind my name.  Well, I started class yesterday, so in sixteen weeks I will be ready to take my PHR certification test.  I have been asked by a photographer in Denver to do make up adds, what he calls face an skin shots.  I had to draw the line here.  I am not that girl that looks at her own pictures and loves them, so it was rather easy for me to decline the offer.  Not to mention with 3 kids, a full time job, working out 5 days a week, writing and school I believe I have a full plate.

The best part is my energy level.  Aside from being sick right now I have been feeling wonderful.  The personal trainer I am going to has this fantastic ability to push me without really pushing me.  It is exactly the type of support I need.  I can motivate myself, but having someone plan my work outs has been perfect.  I am now eating breakfast most days and my energy is through the roof.  I am even sleeping better.  What else could I ask for?

Talking to my sister today really got me thinking about how others must of viewed me during my divorce. We were in very similar marriages.  Our situations not understood or realized by others because of how "strong" we seem.  It is time to stop protecting everyone else and time to do what feels right for me, no one else, just me.  I close tonight with one final thought for you...are you allowing yourself to be the best you?