Honesty

There is no hiding even when you are walking through the dark.  He feels my every emotion and will push to explore it with me.  These are new feelings for me.  I am not even sure what they are or what they mean.  I am not jealous.  I am not sad.  I am not upset.  Yet, I feel low and unsure.  I got it - I feel left out and we share everything.

I tried so hard to just support and live in the moments I do get to share.  This is yet another one of those times when I have to learn to share.  I went through the same thing when I had to leave my children off at their dads house for the first time.  The silence in the car, in the house, in my life for those hours was unbearable.  My children have filled my world with sound for over 23 years, the silence was almost scary to me.

So, a song I heard today pretty much summed it up for me:

Honesty is such a lonely word - we trust each other so completely that we can have those moments of disconnect and allow the lonely to be there, temporarily.

Everyone is so untrue - it does not matter what we dealt with in the past. The people that were untrustworthy and shook our character no longer effect our world.

Honesty is hardly ever heard - we, separate from each other, have been lied to more than we care to admit. We have expressed that to each other and respect that we both expect complete honesty.  

And mostly what I need from you - stepping back from what I was feeling today I was able to remind myself how much I trust that he is always honest with me.  When I look at it with those eyes, it is clear to me that this is just another step in the right direction for us.