Shelf Life

Well - my light bulb finally shined bright enough for me to see the whole picture.  I was highly disappointed in what I saw and felt, however once you see it for yourself it is much easier to make the healthier decision.  No one else can make you see it through their eyes and we certainly do not learn our lessons through others experiences.  I constantly told myself not to allow others to be in a place that made me seem like an idiot, but I did that pretty well on my own.  I do not think that I was pretending but I surely was not living in reality.

I scarified more than I ever received credit for.  I was more patient than any woman would EVER be.  I was a better friend than they deserved.  I was more honest than any person could strive to be.  With all of that I was also more vulnerable than I have ever been.  I fear that is what led me to where I am today.  Don't worry - I refuse to let this situation change who I am.  When I give - I give completely, when I love - I love fiercely, so this is just a set back in my life.

I could let this be a lame excuse to close off but the love I have been shown these past two days has kept my heart open.  This time it was not just my loving zumba family, but many friends that reached out and shared their vision of me.  I can't explain how much words can save a person from falling.  A wonderful connection of mine told me that I just don't see what others see when they get to know me and look at me.  They were able to put it into words that made me feel their virtual hug and warm my heart.

So I have taken my heart off of the shelf for now, but I am open to whatever comes my way.