I was a Bitch!

Arriving home was the beginning of recovery for me.  Bending to get in and out of the car was difficult so I was not looking forward to moving much at all.

The kids were so happy to see me and so great to welcome me home.  I could see the relief in their faces that I was home and doing well.

I quickly realized that the bed would not be an option. I could not get in or out on my own.  My abs had five incisions and there was no way sit ups out of the bed were going to happen.  My husband has this wonderful "papa bear" chair in our room; so that is where I lived for a good five days.

I slowly learned that I quickly was becoming a bitch.  I would ask for tea and then complain that it was not made in the perfect way.  I would ask for something and complain that it took to long.  I was, for sure, getting tired of asking for help.  I was sitting in the "papa bear" chair and dropped my phone. I decided I could handle this myself.  Remember, I can't bend.  So, I slide down the chair (gosh I hope you are picturing this) and onto the floor.  I was so proud that I did it all by myself.  Then I realized I was stuck on the floor.  If I can't get out of bed, do you think I can get off the floor? Big fat NO! Lucky for me I have my phone in my hand now.  I call my oldest son, who is down the hall.  He immediately comes to my room.  Imagine me, in my PJ's, with a sad face - sitting on the floor when he walked in.  He smiled and said "I know there must be a story here Mom".  I was grateful for him making me laugh and help me back into my chair with no more questions.

I anticipated pain, however I thought it would be from the actual surgical cuts.  The worst, unbearable pain was actually from the air the put in your stomach during surgery and the gas it causes your body. It was something I have never felt in my life.  I am not sure they could of prepared me for pain like this.  I venture to say that it was worse than any pain I ever had giving birth, all three times.

By the end of most days I was beating up, sad and even low.  I considered myself to be strong and tough - I was not feeling that at all.  I felt weak, wimpy and overwhelmingly sad.  After being a total bitch to my husband, feeling sorry for myself, I finally had a good cry and got my thoughts on the right road.  I was also able to adjust my attitude; this helped everything.