My Truth

I have had to remind myself several times this week that I am a grown up and do not have to allow other peoples issues include me or effect me.  As much as I would like to fix situations and people; the only thing I can really control is myself.  Even with that it is difficult for me to walk away without understanding the behaviors.

I took the time to deal with my demons.  I have faced things I still don't understand.  How do they misunderstand something that simple?  Are they truly that concerned with being right that they can't have an adult conversation?  I no longer care who said what, who is mad at who or why anyone did anything.  I just want it known that I know and I choose to move on.  I no longer want to carry the anger.  It is unhealthy and exhausting to constantly feel that low.

The more I think about the past the more of the puzzle I put together.  My anger has changed into simply feeling sorry for them.  I am surrounded by love and support - they stand alone in the world they created. In the back of their minds they know where this began.  Well, honestly I think she does, but he is only aware of her side of anything.  I get it.  It is his job to protect his wife.  I would expect nothing less.

I had some amazing friends pick me up this week.  I think my lucky stars that I am now in a place where I can think logically and am prepared to deal with these things.  I was able to hear their words this time and understand what I could and could not do, for my sake, my health - not for anyone else.  I rarely make decisions based on only myself; it was time.  I even made a promise to my close friend that I intend to keep, forever.

The amount of tears I shed this week was immeasurable.  Through it all I never felt alone.  The partnership I share with my fiance is the strongest connection I have ever felt.  He, some how, knows exactly when to listen and exactly when to talk.  When he does talk he says exactly what I need to hear.  Never is it judgment, just strong, supportive words full of love.

For the record - I am aware that I am being pretty vague in this blog.  This is NOT how I usually write and will not be how I continue to write.  I am still processing the events of this week.  When I have it all clear in my head I will pour it out in my normal fashion.  I will not sensor myself to protect anyone.  I started my blog for two reasons - I love to write and it is an outlet for my truth.  I am not asking everyone to agree with me or even like what I have to say.  I just want my readers to know when they see my words they are real and true.