I choose me

I always assume I am at fault first.  They know me so little that they don't see that I have been through all the emotions and dealt with all of the feelings that were unsettled due to their lack of communication.  As I pondered the past 11 years and all of the most recent events I found peace in it all.  I can't change them.  I can't make them be better people.  People who tell the truth, love unconditionally and give just as much as they take.

It is clear that they are upset that I called everyone out on their behaviors.  They did not own anything they did, even the things they admitted to they retracted later.  It is very unsettling that a parent can dislike their child so much.  I knew I should of just sucked it up and moved on, but I could not let go of the anger handling it that way.  It was my error in judgment to think that everyone was capable of adult conversations with honesty.

I am no longer looking to just let go of the anger, I have worked through all of that.  I have seen where I failed, where I could of done better and even what I did completely wrong.  As an adult I am accountable of all of my actions.  I cannot change the things that happened, but I can certainly learn from them.  I will never allow another to fill my head with so much negative that I can't imagine a positive.  I will not look back on these years as a loss any longer.  I see it now as many valuable life lessons.  I am grateful to see clearly and even more grateful to no longer feel imprisoned by others.  I am responsible for my life, no one else.  I choose to love.  I choose to be loved.  I choose to share love.  I choose to be happy.  I choose me.