Poudre Pet & Feed Supply Inc. #icebucketchallenge

Big Picture

Breaking the limits isn't as severe as the response.  Sit back for a moment and review the "big picture".  Does this warrant a strong, verbal reaction or shall we pick our battles and let this one pass?  Being a believer in handling things as they come I have been working on this very thing.  My extreme dislike for the "ignore it and it will go away" attitude has provided me with an enternal struggle with this very thing.

I recently learned this about myself.  I have been so stifled by the opposite way of handling things that I am overly sensitive to it.  This may be obvious to others, but it truly wasn't obvious to me.  I can literally feel my walls go up when I feel this type of situation.  What is the result?  Poor, fierce over-reactions that can have a very negative impact on my relationships.

I suppose at my age I know what I want, need and even require.  I need to remind myself that not everyone functions the same way that I do.  I have been fortunate that the important people in my life understand me and accept me.  Still, now that I know this about myself I am convinced that it is a behavior I can better.

Halmark Moment

Having a Halmark kind of day.  Just about everything has put me on the verge of tears.  I don't understand how I come off such an incredibly fulfilling weekend to feel this way.  Perhaps if I gave it a bit more thought I would realize how uncertain some things are.  I have been doing my best not to do that.

If I allowed myself to have more profound thoughts I may drown in all the emotion.  I realize I need to go through all of these feelings, however I would really prefer to take on one at a time.  All of my adult life I have been the rock in one way or another.  A single mom rock, a friend rock, a wife rock, work rock, etc. I would love to always be that strong, but I just want someone to go through it with me, letting me know it is going to be okay.

Having a new relationship is difficult.  Let me rephrase......the struggles we both have in order to be free for each other are rough.  I worry about him, I worry about my kids, I worry about his kids and I worry at some point one of us may give up.  Then I think about how he treats me, how he talks to me, how he touches me and more simply put how he make me feel; I know this is special and definitely worth all the challenges we are facing and will face.

Clearly he and all he does for and with me shows that he is my rock.

Happy Place

Waking up in my own bed this morning was bitter sweet.  I was so ready to be back with my kids, but having to leave my happy place was difficult.  I have this terrible habit of acting stronger the weaker I feel.  I understand it is my protection mechanism, but it also puts me in situations where I wonder if others remember that I also have feelings and emotions.  You know, those times when you just want a hug, a smile or just some nice words, but they are positive that you are just fine.  

I never thought I would find an individual that knew how to be my friend before anything else.  A person that literally makes me feel good about myself.  More importantly, they make me feel completely loved and accepted.  I can have the worst day, the busiest day or the hardest day and I know they are there for me.  A person I want to wake up with and go to sleep with every day, and I do.  

I spent my vacation seeing frieds and family, introducing my life to him.  All of the things I adore about him are the same things my friends and family saw.  Not only that, but they saw me happy, us happy.  The littlest things were things my friends/family noticed.  How he was always near me or with me, but not clingy.  How he joked with us and included himself.  How he wasn't afraid to tell me know and how I accepted when he told me know.  How he is caring and loving towards me.  What girl wouldn't want those things to be visual for all?

I could not be more grateful to the open arms my friends and family gave him.  They included him, spoke with him, told him stories and just let him be part of it all.  I have the most amazing support system.  At a time when I thought I would be lonely and scared, I am feeling loved and free to be me.  I didn't always know this is what I wanted, but I know now that I deserve it.

Inner Circle

I have been struggling for years with relationships.   Through it all I have found myself with a very strong "inner circle".  A group of individuals that I trust and would do anything for.

TL - talk about a person that I can tell anything to and never feel judged.  A friend that I have known since I was 3 or 4 years old.  We may of lost each other for years, but we have certainly made up for it.  I cherish this friendship and am grateful every day that I have her in my life.

BB - a friend that I met 13 plus years ago.  We have seen each other through some hard times and been there for the births of children.  Nothing gives me greater pleasure than to call her friend.

JK - nothing can come between the two of us.  Not miles, not years.  Seeing her today made me realize how strong a friendship can be. 

Bringing my circle together tonight made me feel amazing.   The love, the stories,  the laughter.   A night I won't soon forget.

I love you guys.