To Begin, Again

 TO BEGIN, AGAIN

I have learned that it takes way more courage than I previously had to put my writing out there.  I thought it was safe to speak my own truth.  I quickly found that was not the case.  So, this time, I have decided I will brave the world and believe in me.  Although I would love to be supported, believed in and even liked - it is never why I began to write.  This time, it is for me.  

I lost my #1 fan when my mom passed away.  I still have not recovered from that day - February 27, 2019.  I have lost so much more since then.  Through it all I have found a stronger, more positive me.  I decided that I wanted to share this outlook.  We do not need to be lost in how others treat us or even how they view us.  Those that truly know me, have stuck by me through it all.  An amazing friend of mine pointed out what should have been obvious.  If someone knows you, they would know you would never hurt anyone on purpose.  

You see, my claim is not that I am perfect or even close to perfect.  My claim is - I always do what is right, even when I get the bad end of the situation.  My assumption is always that I did something wrong before I even look to another.  I support others, in any way I can.  I give where and when I can.  These are the things I learned from my mom, however, she did it with much more class and belief in others.  

It is my journey to find the best version of myself.  I share it simply for my own therapy and perhaps someone else will find a way to find themselves as well.  It is OK to struggle, but grab onto the things you can control and use it to move yourself forward.  You may lose people from time to time.  What I learned about that is... was it a positive relationship in the first place?  Be honest with yourself.  Do not allow others insecurities, negativity or even fakeness effect who you are.  A real relationship exists if you are in each others company or not.

I am stronger and I am proud to be me.