Part 2 - My Final Days

Since my departure I have been absorbing and exploring multiple feelings.  I felt failure, anger, hurt, sadness and even regret.  Something about me - I always do the right thing...even when I truly do not want to.  I was blessed with marrying a man who is one step better than that; he always does the right thing - period.

The feeling of failure came from the independent woman inside of me.  I have always made my own money, never needed a man to support me and made decisions based on my children and their needs.  Losing my job was the last thing I wanted, needed or desired.  Although I have the complete support of my husband, I have a personal struggle with not doing my part; monetarily.  I have always had the luxury of making the decision of who I am with based purely on what makes me happy, not what I need.

My anger was deeper.  It came from the same direction, my ex-employer but for several different reasons.  An employer can retaliate against an employee, however there is nothing the employee can do about it.  An employer can dictate you ability (or lack of) to care for your own health.  An employer can withhold your productivity bonus at their discretion.  An employer can tell the Unemployment authorities any lie they want and have the higher percentage chance of being believed, even if you have documented proof.

I am not ignorant.  I am completely aware that there are people out there that abuse the system.  If I am taking the time to not only tell you the COMPLETE truth, including the information about myself I don't want to share, and I have full documentation supporting my truth - how do I win?  How do we stop employers like this from doing whatever they want?

Hurt...I strongly dislike the fact that I feel hurt over this.  It makes me feel weak.  Those of you that know me - weak is not a word I would ever want used to describe me.  I gave someone my complete trust, worked 48 hours a week, took phone calls and text until 11 pm (his bed time) every night (Sunday - Saturday), I showed up to the office on a moments notice if a client needed something (even on the weekend) and I produced more billable time in my first month than anyone else.  I gave.  I gave 100%.  In return I received poor treatment from a man that was basically throwing a fit.

Sadness is a strong emotion.  I feel like I have gone through a break up.  Not only with my ex-employer, but with all of the clients that I thoroughly enjoyed helping.  I took the time to build those business relationships - on his behalf.  I was the reason he could turn his phone off for the first vacation since he opened the business.  I am good at what I do and was punished for it.

This is where the regret set in.  I regret that it took me so long to see my ex-employer in his true light.  I regret that I didn't speak up that he was an engineer running a CPA firm.  I regret that I didn't stick up more for the small business that he was charging CPA fees for bookkeeping work.  I regret that I allowed him to change invoices to capture the cost he wanted instead of the real time fee.  I regret that I let him alter my ethics, even for the smallest period of time.  I regret that I taught him so much.  I regret that I fixed his own bookkeeping file because he could not figure it out (free of charge on my own time).  I regret that I helped him maintain a front of a business that is misrepresenting themselves.

What I don't regret?  Writing this all down.  I can't express enough how much better I felt after allowing myself to feel and expose all of my emotion during this time.  The best therapy is allowing yourself to feel, not wallow in it - just feel.

Part 1 - My Final Days

There was no way to know what would happen.  Although we constantly take risks - I knew that this one was big.  I have always done well trusting my instincts.  You know - you meet someone and instantly decide if you like them or not?  Well...that may just be me.  I don't really have any grey area.  I like someone or I don't.  I had options, I made a choice based on my instincts and felt strong, even safe in my decision.

I watched this man and how he treated not only others at my level but the clients we served.  I did not disagree with everything but I had some serious issues with how he went about relationship building.  I convinced myself that was just our difference in age, he being 20 years my elder.  I literally kept making excuses for the man.

My hardest moment was when I realized all the behaviors I watched were not limited to just those people they included me - once I did something he disliked enough.  In my case I needed three days off.  The seven months I had been working for him I could not even get to a doctors appointment because of the schedule we kept, I rarely took a lunch and when I did - I got some sort of sly comment about it.  Which again, I overlooked.  I had no PCP being that we were in a new town and could not find one with no time from 7 am - 5 pm.  I ended up going off of my medicine I had been on for years because my old PCP in Colorado would not continue to refill without seeing me, rightfully so.  My health was deteriorating quickly.  Even my boss new it was because I had ended up in the hospital 3 times.  Unfortunately, that was not his concern.

That is how I got here.  I chose to take care of me and have the surgery for my health.  I told my surgeon my confinements at work and he said the best he could do is say I need 3 days for recovery.  Even though I did not have my surgery date yet I took this information to my boss trying to be as upfront as possible.  His response to my need for 3 days?  "Only if you take your laptop".  Shocked - I paused - praying this man was joking.  That was not the case.  I went home that night and discussed it with my husband.  We decided to approach my boss with it again, both of us giving him the benefit of the doubt that perhaps he was just having an off day.  I again say that I will need to have the surgery in early February and at worst need 3 days off.  He looked me straight in the eye and said "take your laptop".

Have you ever had that panic in your body that feels like anxiety but it is more like your heart hurts?  That is what I was feeling. I didn't know if I should walk out or cry.  I opted to get through my work day and again discuss it with my husband that night.  Thank goodness my husband is so calm and level headed because I was in panic.  I needed my job, I needed my income and I loved my clients.  After much discussion and weighing what we thought to be our options we decided that I needed to give notice to my employer and take care of my health.  I hated this option, but I knew it was time that I took care of myself.  My husband, knowing how stressed this made me, started a website for me to put my mind at ease that maybe I could find some side business just so I felt I was doing my part.

I was so upset that my husband even wrote my resignation letter.  I was new to Texas, I didn't know anyone except who I worked with and for.  I was not prepared for the reaction of my employer either.  We sent my resignation and he became so upset that he terminated my employment, via email.  I should of said that in my resignation not only did we offer to help during the transition but since I only needed the 3 days I offered to help however I could remotely as long as he needed.  I promise you I did this for the clients and not for him.  In his anger he forgot about the service he needed to supply his clients and just wanted to retaliate against me.  Not only did that prove the type of man he is but it also proved he should not be running a service business.