Therapy...
There is this horrible vision when I think of therapy because it did not help in four prior situations for me.
- I remember going to therapy as a teen, family therapy. I don't think I truly understood why we went. What I did know is that nothing changed after the fact. I did figure out that I was an angry teen; well maybe more of an misunderstood teen. I did not understand myself much less expect anyone else to understand me. I learned that I felt my mom was absent during our childhood years. My dad never missed a game, my mom missed them all. What I realize today is that that was hurt, hurt that was born out of love for my mother.
- As an adult I had a horrible work experience, while I was pregnant, that I still find unbelievable. I had a work associate turn against me in such a mean, negative and vindictive way. This person went as far as to make up lies to cover their "story" about me. I was slapped in the face with it when they cornered me in a conference room. I was so shocked by the betrayal of lies that I could not even find words to express myself. Imagine, me - without something to say. I went to therapy again. I even went back to the same therapist I had when I was a teen. It really helped in the understanding who I am process. I found my way but I felt it was unsuccessful because I could not understand why it all happened or why someone would do that to another person. It left me lost.
- Again as an adult I found myself in a dark, depressing place. I never recovered from the prior experience. I ended up giving up a career I loved, a work family and my earned income status due to another's actions. I was unable to pull myself back up. My husband at the time decided that it was a choice I had made to be depressed and was less than supportive. We went to therapy. I felt blamed, shamed and again misunderstood. I was able to dig out of this one but it was purely off of my children's love and the support of some amazing friends.
- As a final effort to save my family I agreed to couples counseling with my now ex-husband. I was sure that, at minimum, this would help his relationship with our children. I am happy to say that I found that right therapist. She heard me. From day one - she heard me. It was also the first time he showed his true colors to someone else. She was able to see and feel what we were all living through. Sadly, it did not save my marriage, but it really saved me.
I have learned that I can't fix anyone else through therapy and that is not what it is for. It is for the person going there trying to make something better, more positive.
As a happily remarried woman I am trying therapy again - not for anyone other than me. Honestly, it is helping my husband also but I am the one looking to heal. So, I believe in therapy because I believe we can all benefit from a little more understanding of ourselves.
