Better - In Every Way

He asked me to close my eyes...close my eyes and think back to when we met, it had to be almost ten years ago.  He wondered if I ever imagined that we would be where we are today.

I was married and we shared thee same best friend.  I closed my eyes and let my mind wander back to that day.  I clearly remember meeting him.  She, our shared best friend, had often talked about him and I had a definite vision of what I believed he would be like and even a vision of what I thought he would look like.  It was years later that I realized he wasn't any of those things.
 

His eyes were piercing blue and his smile was genuine.  He was comfortable and very easy to get along with.  It could not of been the easiest atmosphere to walk into.  We all had very strong personalities and sarcasm should be our middle names.  Our group was open to others but we had so many "inside jokes" and "funny sayings" that it could sometimes be hard to keep up with us and what we were talking about.

He took it all in...I don't think I ever saw him without a smile on his face.  The moment I realized I could tease him - it was on - he was part of the gang.  

The truth...I never saw him in any other capacity then a friend.  I was married, happily married at the time.  I did feel like he was someone I wanted to get to know more about.  He had a calming spirit.  We sat and watched fire works together and conversation was light, easy and fun.  He had this quiet confidence that I found refreshing.  

The thing I remember most was when he left.  I thought he was nothing like what I imagined - he was better in every way.

Live

There is absolutely zero way to win this battle.  When you try every approach and the other individuals involved refuses to look at themselves...it is the loneliest feeling in the world.  I am unable to fix it for them, they are unable to admit it needs fixing.  That is what you call a cross roads. I am so tired of trying to be better and still feeling alone in it.
Remember how it felt before?  Like you mattered, like you were loved, desired, needed, etc?  Was it all an act to capture what is?  It isn't fair.  It isn't fair to require so much understanding from me and have no thought of what you can do for yourself.
So, I sit here, alone - wondering why I am still trying to fix it.  Why am I going to give 100% to a two sided situation.  In reality - my 100% is only 50% of the issue and the resolution.  That is where I see failure.
I have always been the type to keep trying simply because failure was not an option.  Perhaps it is my old age, but I am clear that all parties need to want this to work.  I am unable to do this alone.  I do not want to spend anymore of my time praying, hoping or wishing that someone else wants it as badly as I do.
I am not OK with just getting by.  I want it all.  I want complete trust, sharing of everything and a life that exceeds all expectations.  It is not a dream - I see it - they simply need to want it too.
Problems don't go away by themselves.  People can't read minds.  Things don''t grow when they are not cared for properly.
Take a look at you.  Are you participating in life the way your family needs?  Are you giving yourself to every situation in a way that sets you up for success?  Are you taking others into consideration in thee way you handle your every day life?
Stop hiding behind what was and live.